Lord of the Flies

Okay, so some of you will be bleating on about how wrong it is to kill any sentient creature deliberately, including flies. You’ll say that I’m invoking bad karma and that I can’t possibly reach enlightenment by behaving in this way. Well, I doubt if someone like me was ever heading for enlightenment anyway, but in case you are thinking that I wouldn’t deserve it if I were trying, just think of this: Since I began my quest to utilize my new electronic zapper to its full potential, the statistics make for very unhappy reading. In a period of just three hours, I killed forty of the blighters. I then left for work, and when I returned home that evening, I killed another twenty in the space of about fifteen minutes. So, in a period of less than four hours I killed a total of sixty – yes that’s right, six-zero – of these disease-carrying, vomit-releasing, shit-spreading, leg-rubbing vermin.

Whilst I confess to feeling slightly heady at the magnitude of such apparently cold-hearted slaughter, I nevertheless assert (to all of you objectors out there) that it simply isn’t right that someone should have sixty flies inside his apartment, all at the same time. It’s not healthy, and it’s not pleasant. For two-and-a-half years I’ve tried my very best to avoid causing these odious creatures any harm, and yet now I feel that for some malicious reason, they’re just taking the piss. Something had to change; something had to be done.

Believe me, it isn’t all fun and dancing anyway. I don’t actually enjoy doing this, and sweeping up the dozens of corpses afterwards is just revolting. But really, sometimes a worm has to turn. I've been taken for a mug by these bastards for far too long, so now it's time to fight back. I'm not proud of this, but sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And that's all there is to it....