Slimming World

I was out on my bike yesterday (and yes, guess what? Pumping the pedals really does increase the counter on my pedometer – yay!), and I chanced upon a strange plaza by the side of the Beeston-Nottingham canal. Well actually, there's very little about the plaza that's strange – but my discovery of it was surprising because I didn't know it was there. I've been looking for somewhere to go roller-blading, somewhere that isn't too crowded or too public (I hate it when there's a whole load of people to witness me falling over). This is just the place I need, so next weekend I'm going to get my skates on and get a bit of exercise. What's more, I'll be interested to see whether the old pedometer thingy responds to the rollerblading, because this might be the way I achieve the magic 10,000.

Most people my age wouldn't consider donning a pair of blades and hurtling around the pavements, looking ridiculous. But looking ridiculous has become somewhat of a habit with me, so I really don't care. So people might laugh at me – so what? Do these people care about my health? My weight? The fact that I need to strengthen my thighs in readiness for the rigours of this season's skiing? No, they don't care a fig about any of that – so they can laugh away as far as I'm concerned.

In fact, I think I might try to make people feel uncomfortable, deliberately. It could be fun to wear some stupid outfit at the same time, so that people can't really decide whether I'm just an eccentric, or actually mad. Perhaps they'll feel embarrassed at seeing a pathetic old man making a fool of himself; perhaps their fear of the seriously weird will cause them to turn nasty and start throwing abuse at me, or worse – sharp metal objects. This could be fun.

As long as I don't fall over. Hmm, perhaps I'd better get some practice in first – I have a long, flat hallway in my apartment so maybe I should roll up and down in that, behind closed doors.

I'm very excited about this – it's a shame that it's only Monday. Roll on the weekend, that's what I say!