It's A Fair Cop Guv

Well how about this for a headline in this morning’s newspaper? ‘Prisons are so cushy inmates refuse to escape’. Notwithstanding whatever your opinions are about whether prison life is too soft or not, surely the odd thing about this headline is that the inmates are refusing to escape. Refusing who? Who is ordering them to escape? The prison officers? The Home Office? You can imagine the scenario: "Now come on Fletcher, your life in here is far too comfortable. You are requested to escape by 3:00 p.m. or there’ll be trouble for you, my lad". (Fletcher folds his arms and sits back in his leather G-plan armchair) "No. Shan’t. I refuse. Can’t make me." (Sticks out tongue). The world is indeed a strange place.

Last night, for the first time this season, I went sailing. We had an absolute blast round the course - it was blowing old boots at one point, and we were flying. We sail on a tiny stretch of river where it seems that for most of the time, the wind blows from the west. This means a hard beat upriver; constant tacking to make any headway against both the wind and the current and, in the force we had last night, having to hike out on every turn to try to keep the boat flat. It’s fantastic exercise and well worth the effort because then, as we round the top buoy, it’s up with the spinnaker and a fabulous charge for a mile downstream, the boat almost planning. And the best of it all was, we won the race!

Today I hear that a children’s Dalek suit from 1970 fetched £3,200 on eBay. The puzzling thing about this is not that someone would pay so much for a piece of old tat, but that the Daleks had children in the first place. I didn’t realize they could breed at all! No wonder Dr Who had so much trouble with them.

If I were looking for the perfect woman (and I’m not), then this recent ad I saw in a lonely hearts column seems to provide the answer: “Meet the new me. Like the old me only less nice after three of these ads without any sexual intercourse. 42-year old fruitcake (F.). Box no. 17/06” . Hopefully we won’t see a fourth ad from this poor soul.

Today’s quote (not from Horace; I’ll leave you to guess who said this): "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." Some days, I know exactly how he felt.