Methinks, therefore me am!

I've been having a good old re-think about my life recently. I'm currently drowning in mountains of paperwork, for all sorts of reasons, and yet I never seem to have the energy or enthusiasm to tackle any of it. I see everyone around me being so much more organized and so much more productive than I am, that it all adds further to my frustration.

This isn't just about laziness, or even about incompetence. It's about my entire approach to my life. I've never addressed the really important matters; the things in life that would transform me into the real person I should be. I have failed myself, and everyone else I've ever come into contact with. Oddly, I've never actually examined exactly what it is I really want. There are four superfluous words in that sentence, by the way - I'll write it again: I've never examined what it is I want.

I don't believe what you read in horoscopes, but I was sitting reading my father's newspaper yesterday and a startling warning jumped out at me (as yes admittedly, it must have done for all Leos). Stop messing about with things you think you should do, and focus on the things you want to do. It made me realize that I've been making mistakes all throughout my wretched life. And that's why I'm having this re-think.

Some people might argue that I've had many achievements in my life, and to some extent I'd have to agree. I shouldn't be dismissive about everything I've done – that would be churlish and ungrateful. But when I stay still for a moment, and reflect upon my status quo, it comes to mind that I ought to be at a point in my life when I am - if not completely, then at least partially - satisfied. And yet I am not. Eckhart Tolle tells us that when we are on a journey it is certainly useful to know where we are going, but the only thing that is ultimately real about our journey is the step we are taking at this moment. Well if that's true, then I feel that I should at least be satisfied with this moment. And as I have said, I am not.

So, a re-think is called for. I can't tell you what will emerge from this, but if I don't report to you soon that some change has been brought about, then please shoot me. I'm not talking about a change in circumstances, although inevitably these should come about too – no, I'm talking about a change in approach. You won't notice this (presumably), because only I will know it is happening. What you might notice, however, is the smile on my face. And even though someone who is thinking hard is often portrayed as frowning, a smile is what you should see!