Damn You, Edith!

How often do we hear those words: "I have absolutely no regrets about what I have done"? I wonder whether in most cases this is actually true. Of course we are supposed to say that, aren't we, because 'having regrets' is negative thinking, and negative thinking now brings negative results in the future. So we feel obliged to banish all thoughts of regret from our minds and only to focus on the positive elements of our past. Easier said than done. There is a lot of common sense in this maxim though – I mean, every single action we have taken in our past has brought us right to the position we are at now. That is to say that I wouldn't be sitting here now, at this very place and at this very moment - writing my blog – without having arrived here by virtue of every single individual tiny action (or decision) taken by me in the past. Therefore, if I now regret some of those actions and decisions, it is logical to assume that I am in some way dissatisfied with where I am at this moment. And we are told (are we not?) that to be dissatisfied with where we are right now, is an unhappy state of affairs.

There is, of course, another view to be taken about this – that this focus on the power of now is nothing more than a load of old bollocks. Surely, it's acceptable to have some regrets because it is only from these that we learn lessons about our behaviour, and lessons about ourselves in general. Our lives are – and, I suppose should be – something like those books we used to read as children which had alternative story lines. At the bottom of Page One we are faced with a choice: Do we a) take the path into the deep, dark and mysterious woods (go to Page Three); or do we b) hitch a ride from the friendly farmer going in the opposite direction on his hay wagon (go to Page Five)? Looking back, we can chart our progress through the story-book, but what we cannot do is to read the book again and make alternative choices. We can only speculate about the journey (or journeys) that we might otherwise have taken.

I suppose the argument from the positive thinkers is that such speculation can only bring us misery and doubt. Who knows what might have happened if we had chosen to fight the ogre in the woods, instead of opting – as we did perhaps - to follow the yellow brick road? The trick must be to ignore those decisions where we believe that we took the wrong fork in the trail through the forest, and to take pleasure only from those decisions which we can see were the right ones. Unfortunately, I think it's more usual for us to forget about the right choices that we have made, and to think only about what we now think were the wrong ones. Inevitably, this must conclude that we are somehow dissatisfied with the status quo. My concern about this state of affairs is that by feeling unhappy about my current situation, I am only giving myself the power (and permission) to continue to be so. That has to be wrong, doesn't it?

So, maybe it shouldn't be a case of having 'no regrets', but more a case of recognizing the poor choices we might have made along the way, and examining our motivations for doing so. Then, the positive outcome from such an examination must be that we don't make those poor choices again. Isn't that what they call 'growing up'? Hmm, the (somewhat) depressing realization from this is that am I not a bit too old to be still growing up?

Well, you might think that – but I prefer to carry on growing, thank you very much. Oh yes, I'll take it on the chin – I do have regrets, and sometimes it can seem that the right answers in my particular life don't even come up for air, but I also have a resolve to be more vigilant in the future. I am right here, right now – and whether I was brought here by the friendly farmer or thrown here by the rage of the ogre, I can't change that. What I can change is where I go from here. I still have my ten fine toes to wiggle in the sand, and lots of idle fingers that snap to my command, so to hell with my regrets – let me learn from them – and look out world, here I come!

Richard Pilgrim is currently appearing in "Examining One's Navel Is Wrong" at a cinema near you.