- People who step off an escalator in front of me and who then stop dead before deciding whether to go left or right.
- People who speak with a Spanish accent when they’re not really Spanish.
- Those annoying people who take Fancy Dress Parties too seriously.
- People who wear gloves for the wrong reason.
- Anyone who doesn’t like whisky.
- Anyone who DOES like whisky, but who drinks it with a mixer (especially something vomit-making such as lime juice – okay in curries, but whisky, no!).
- Californian wines (why can’t they stick to making films and having earthquakes?)
- The fact that we have ANYTHING in common with Americans (for example, those yellow plastic ‘Wet Floor’ signs are the same in America as the ones we have here).
- Fat people who think they can get away with wearing a shirt that is clearly five sizes too small for them.
- People who talk on their mobile phones whilst conducting a transaction at the bank counter – and especially when they apologize to whoever they’re talking to because they have to interrupt the conversation to communicate with the bank clerk. What about apologizing to the bank clerk for being so pig ignorant?
- Flies, that when I’m trying to liberate them through the balcony doors, turn back into the room at the point of exit, thereby facing annihilation.
- People who throw themselves over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
- People who walk slowly.
- Getting poked, licked, hugged, bitten or compared on Facebook (the same goes for having my Fun Wall clogged up with meaningless videos).
- Mad people who think it’s acceptable to talk gibberish to me as I stand waiting for the green man at the crossing – there’s no escape!
- Having to wear shoes that match.
- People who drop litter – who do they think will clear it up?
- Having to work for a living.
- Making the mistake of thinking that looking after pet fish would be easy.
- Running out of time, ALL the time.
- Running out of ideas for things to moan about.
Those are the things I want to moan about, today at least.
3 comments:
Hello Richard just been reading your blog, as someone who once went to a fancy dress party dressed as a pineapple are you not worried about being struck by lightening. Tried to email you from the blog but my new very strict laptop wont let me probably because I walk quite slowly these days and am a bit dithery on escalators but dont think I have ever pretended to be spanish. Best wishes hope you are well xx.
Lyn B? Is that you? Then presumably you have receieved a visit from the ex-Mrs P recently?
How dare you libel me with tales of pineapples? I deny everything. You must be thinking of a character in my novel.
It's no doubt true that you've never pretended to be Spanish but I wonder, have you ever worn inappropriate gloves perhaps?
Lol - that scene in the novel was about you :)
A good list of moans. Thank you. One or two very choice ones and it made me smile.
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