Eat More, Drink Less

I thought I would be settling down to some serious work this week but alas, too many pressing social engagements seem to have blocked this. This is not to say that I work in the evenings (although I could), but that long society nights out cause slow starts in the mornings. Monday evening was meant to be dominated by domestic matters but the arrival of my stray cat put paid to that. He kept me up half the night with his constant mewing for affection. Then Tuesday evening collapsed into an uprising of depravity – what had started out as a fairly sensible business meeting with two creative guys who are possible recruits for the Unleashed project, suddenly spiralled into the usual melée of Broadway cohorts. I decline to comment further on such matters.

Last night was no better. My carefully constructed plan was to attend the opening of a new art gallery in Nottingham. I’d met the two owners at a party recently so I thought I would go along to show support. As it started at 6:00 p.m. I reckoned I would be home by 8:00 p.m. at the latest, and therefore in a suitable condition to tackle my now famous ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa’ of ironing. Not so, I’m afraid - I rolled home at midnight. The ironing still teeters precariously. It’s time for me to retire from polite society, I think - not least because last night I ended up sending one of those emails that you instantly regret sending. Why my keyboard isn't alcohol-sensitive and thereby automatically disables the 'Send' button, I don't know.

Well, and now to more serious matters. I need to work out a plan to prevent me from joining Britain’s obesity epidemic. We are told that we are all heading for a crisis in this respect, so I must do something about it. This will require some skilful planning in terms of eating more healthily and getting more exercise. Going without food for an entire 24-hour period (which I did on Tuesday) and supplementing the calorific requirements with the demon drink, will not suffice.

The government is behind me on this, so it is my duty as a model citizen to abide. I start tonight by going sailing in what I hope will be a cheerful breeze. That should keep me out of trouble at least. Oh, where did I put my sensible head?