Irritating People

So in my last posting, gentle reader, I said that I would be getting angry with myself. I haven't done that yet - although sadly, I have been getting angry with other people. This is not good - it is neither beneficial to one's health, nor is it useful for attracting good karma. The trouble is, some people can simply be so irritating sometimes, and then it becomes difficult to avoid the red mist descending before one's eyes. I'm not entirely sure why I let other people's silly actions affect me but just occasionally, I do. Oh, I know what you're thinking - you think that a truly good person would overlook the foibles and iniquities of others; he would dismiss other people's shortcomings and failings with an optimistically indulgent approach. And you'd be quite correct in this, dear reader - which means, therefore, that I am not a truly good person. We must aim to correct this unfortunate position as soon as possible.

Right - here's the plan: First, go to sleep every night with a coat hanger in my mouth so that I always wake up with a smile on my face. Next, give up the booze so that I never get my otherwise razor-sharp judgement clouded again (awareness is everything). After that, have my ego surgically removed (can I get that on the NHS?) so that the fragile shell of my so-called dignity never gets cracked again. And finally, move to another city where none of these irritating, toxic people whom I encounter here will presumably be encountered! Hmm, I somehow wonder whether my approach to all of this is actually the right one? On reflection, my cunning, brilliant, amazing four-point plan does seem a tad shaky, to say the least.

So how else can I rectify this position? Well, a dear friend of mine gave me one of those lucky cat things the other day. She said it would 'change my life' (and presumably she means for the better), so perhaps I ought to forget the plan and just rely on my new paw-waving companion to save me? I actually feel a little better already, just thinking about it. In fact, I'm waving at you now, dear reader - can you feel the benign benevolence flowing your way? I hope so. Ooh, this is going to easy.

I wonder what my Great-Aunt Dolores (she who was run over by a lorry but survived, and who later took up playing the xylophone, only to die within two years by throwing herself over Niagara Falls in a barrel) would have made of this? Dolores's motto when faced with irritating people was: "Don't get mad, get murderous" (she once bit the ear off a woman who had stepped off the escalator in front of her and had failed to move out of the way quickly enough), so I doubt if she'd approve of my lucky cat at all. She once gave me a .25 Beretta Revolver as a Christmas present, so she would definitely have viewed my arm-waving lucky cat as rather "cissy".

However, I still think I'll give it a go. I might also stare at a rather beautiful painting of a cat - and I think I know where I can find one - and reflect on the peace and harmony therein.