Dear Jim

Well, I went to my mate Jim’s book launch last night. It all started fairly civilised – sipping free wine and eating from the scrumptious buffet of locally-produced delicacies (including some bizarre “Magyar” sausages); there was plenty of circulating going on because everyone who is anyone on the Nottingham creative scene was there. The event was hosted by the Nottingham Creative Network and they sure know how to throw a party. However, once the overture was finished, we moved into the launch proper where there were speeches and readings – Doctor Jim looked dapper and sartorial in his black suit – but once that bit was over, the serious fun began. Needless to say that the organizers provided more wine than they really needed to, and some people inevitably lost control. It all ended with scenes of great jollity and laughter outside the Broadway where we were entertained by some crazy Irish monologue-writer who happened to have the hardest, flattest stomach in town (I know, because I thumped it). And if anyone is worried that I might have had a late night - I didn’t. I was in bed by 11:00 p.m.

I see that we are currently being treated to some “sensational” new photographs of Diana, Princess of Wales taken just moments before her death. We see the back of her head as she turns to check whether her trailing paparazzi have been shaken off. This is truly sensational: “Woman Looks Out Of Rear Window In Car” is a fabulously ground-breaking piece of journalism. Who would have thought such a thing was possible? It certainly is a comfort to me to know that the job of the jury in this inquest will be made so much easier by having seen such a revealing photograph. Of course it’s as plain as a pike-staff (to the jury, one hopes) that if a woman can swivel in her seat to look out of the rear window of her limousine, then it must mean that Prince Philip did it. They could save months of wasted time and millions of wasted pounds by just doing the summing up now. M'lord, I rest my case.