Countdown

I read recently that according to an ancient Mayan calendar, the world will end on 21st December 2012. You may scoff at this unlikely prediction, but remember - the Maya civilization is noted for having some of the most highly sophisticated mathematical and astronomical systems in the ancient world, as well as the only known fully developed written language of the pre-Columbian Americas. So they weren’t daft by any means.

Well I for one am quite encouraged by this news because I’m continually being told by all sources that I haven’t saved adequately enough for my pension, and so now I know that I don’t need to bother. I was planning to work until I reach 100 years old because I somehow can’t imagine myself living on £2.37 per week (which is all my pension will apparently be worth), but now it means that I don’t have to. This is most reassuring, and will prevent me from waking up screaming in the middle of the night – which so often happens now. I can sit back, relax, and start planning how to enjoy the next four years-and-a-bit.

There are all sorts of advantages that this news presents for me. I don’t have to bother giving up smoking now – what’s the point when we’re all going to die anyway? It also means that I can sell everything I own and then live pleasurably on the proceeds (which should, if I’m careful and avoid profligacy, last me four years I reckon). Strangely, this situation will also reduce stress in areas that you might not think feasible. By having only four years-and-a-bit remaining, I don’t have to worry myself about achieving those things that I haven’t so far achieved; or viewing those sights I so far haven’t seen. You might think that with such a short time left available, we should all be rushing off to visit the Grand Canyon, or the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, or the Taj Mahal, or any of the other wonders of the world that some of us haven’t yet seen (okay, I accept that for some of you, these sights have already been ticked off on your list – so don’t be so smug), but what’s the point? We can’t possibly see everything we would want to in just four years, nor experience everything we feel we should, so why bother with any of it? Wouldn’t it be simpler, and less stressful, just to hang around the Broadway and wait for the Great Day to arrive? I think so.

I’m going to keep this information to myself, however. If everyone else knew about it then there could be mass panic amongst the population with everyone following my example, and then I’d never get a free table on the Broadway terrace, would I?

The cheerfulness that I feel from this new discovery is only marginally darkened by the knowledge that because the Mayans predicted the Great Day to be 21st December 2012, I’m still going to have to witness the humiliation and disgrace that will result from the disastrous debacle that this country’s attempt to organization the 2012 Olympics will turn out to be. I wonder if the Mayans got it wrong perhaps, and that instead of the Winter Solstice, they miscalculated the dates and it should have been the summer one? Let’s hope so.

Gin and tonic, anyone?