It's a Hard-Knock Life

I've been to work today. Blimey – I don't know how people actually do this kind of thing every day. I've been working from home for so long now that I'd forgotten what it's like to turn up at a real office where real people lead real lives. It was all a bit of a shock I can tell you – and not a nice one at that. It's so time consuming for a start – how on earth do people fit anything else in to their lives at this rate? When do I find time to eat, to shit, to smoke, to drink alcohol or to write? There are only so many hours in a day and if I'm meant to spend it all travelling and working with normal people, what else can I fit in? I arrived home this evening at 6:45 and I had to lie down in a darkened room for an hour, just to recover from the trauma. I'm sure this working-for-a-living malarkey is going to kill me. Still, the money is useful I suppose. Presumably that's why people do it because I can't see any other point to it, I'm sure. Thank god I have a holiday coming up in three weeks, that's all I can say.

I listened to an extraordinary article on the radio this morning (fat chance of doing much more of that, by the way, now that I have to turn up at the office every day). Anyway, this article was about men who can use a sewing machine. They interviewed a married fireman from Brighton (must be the only married fireman in that town) who regularly runs up curtains, dresses and trousers for his wife & children. Then they interviewed a retired mechanical engineer (68) who proudly claimed to have made four wedding dresses, six ball gowns and three teenage prom dresses - all in the last year. What the fuck is going on? Mind you, having said that, I once made a pair of curtains (Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!" Doctor: "Oh, pull yourself together."). They were surprisingly easy to make – I even lined them. Unfortunately, they were so heavy when I'd finished that they pulled the curtain rail off the wall. Ah ha, but you see – I can do man things as well as woman things, and so I was able to re-fix said curtain rail and all was well. I wonder if retired mechanical engineer (68) can do that?

Anyway, I should go to bed soon. When one works for one's living, one has to get up three hours before one goes to bed - and it's gruelling I can tell you. So, nighty-night for now.