Higher Since Bucket

I was listening to a (somewhat commercial) programme on BBC Radio 2 the other day, and they (whoever they are) were talking about a 'Bucket List' which is apparently a list of things any of us might wish to accomplish before we 'kick the bucket'. Hmm, this is not something I've ever considered – well, not as a tangible list that is. Yes, like most people I have a number of items on a 'wish list' that is, of course, ever-changing and somewhat fluid – depending largely upon the mood I am in at the moment. So, maybe it's time to set it out in a more formal manner and invite myself to reflect upon this list and evaluate just how feasible any of it is.

The thing about making such a list is to try to identify the achievements that we really feel will shape our lives; or those that without which our lives will be incomplete. But doing this will surely expose ourselves to the scrutiny of others to our failings, won't it? Isn't the compilation of such a list tantamount to admitting what failures we all are? That there are things on our lists which we have not yet achieved is almost a declaration that we have, in fact, achieved very little. If the schemes in our inventory are too grandiloquent then we risk being seen as too ambitious or of holding ourselves in too much esteem; if they are too mundane then we could be accused of being too feeble, pathetic even.

Well, for what it is worth, here is my somewhat pitiable list:

• Learn Italian (properly, I mean – not like my half-hearted mastering of French, Spanish & Norwegian)
• Fall in love (reciprocally, I mean – after all, I've fallen in love unrequitedly more times than you could shake a stick at)
• Become a natural blonde (I can't tell you how much I spend at the hairdresser's)
• Have at least one novel published (I have something to say, but nobody wants to listen)
• Become a Muslim (what holds me back from this is my love of alcohol and my distrust of god – two aspects of my character which are somewhat incongruous with the principles of Islam, I fear)
• Launch myself over Niagara Falls in a barrel (did I learn nothing from my Great Aunt Dolores?)
• Stop arguing with people just because I think I'm right (which I rarely am)
• Ban all road freight (Eddie Stobart – I don't care if you lose your livelihood; it's not my problem)
• Save the planet (and no, I don't want to be Gordon Brown)
• Remove Sophie Dahl from the TV (oh sure, she's a pretty young thing, but who would give a fuck about her vacuous cooking efforts if it weren't for her Grand Pappy Roald?)
• Marry the lovely Professor Brian Cox (oops, that one is impossible I guess)
• Become more serious (is this list actually helping?)
• Give up alcohol and become more spiritual (oh dear – see 'Become a muslim' above)
• Stop writing lists (and just get on with it)

Have I said too much?