What a whopper!

I’ve been working very hard this week (paid work, that is) yet still I don’t feel very satisfied or fulfilled. I’m still ill with this wretched cold that I’ve not been able to shake off – I must be seriously run down for it to have lingered so long. I can’t believe that one human body can produce so much mucus – where does it come from?

You know what I hate? Well, lots of things really, but what I hate mostly (apart from slow walkers) are liars. Apparently, the TV Licensing Authority tells lies. I’ve seen its TV commercials where Paul Merton’s sad leather sofa kicks out the titanium shredder and informs us that its database knows “every address where there isn’t a TV licence.” This must be rubbish. I currently rent my apartment and I suspected that my landlord had paid the TV licence for this address. But to be sure, I rang the authority and asked them to check.

“I’m sorry,” the young man said, “but we can’t tell you whether there is a licence for that address. We can only tell you when there isn’t.”

“But isn’t that the same thing?” I asked. “And surely, if there isn’t a licence, then you must be able to tell me that much?”

“I can’t tell you that,” he said. “My advice to you is to buy a licence to make sure.”

“But that might mean that this address then has two licences,” I protested.

“Yes, it might,” he said.

What a scam. As it happens, I contacted my landlord (who lives in America) and it transpires that there is indeed a licence for this property, and that he has paid for it. So this is just daylight robbery on behalf of the authority. Paul Merton is (apparently) being made to tell lies on its behalf. Well, if Paul Merton isn’t lying, then the boy on the telephone is. So which is it to be? I’m happy that I’m not breaking the law (it wouldn’t be worth it anyway; not for the rubbish that is shown on TV these days – see previous blog), but someone is. If it’s the boy on the phone then we’ll forgive him because he’s only trying to earn a living. But if it’s the TV Licensing Authority which is lying, then shame on the bosses there. Who is that, do you think? Is it Gordon Brown? Well, there’s a surprise!