A cheat, a thief and a killer.

Now this might seem like a strange thing to do on a Friday evening, but tonight I watched a TV programme about cuckoos. It's strange that I should even watch TV at all because that is a rare thing for me to do on any night of the week, but stranger still that I should become educated into the bizarre world of that most unique of birds – the cuckoo. Some would call the cuckoo a British bird (and I'm sure it's catalogued as such in ornithology annals), yet it only comes to this country for ten weeks of the year, and only then to commit its heinous crimes. An incredibly cunning bird, it selects a specific breed upon which to launch its attack. Some will choose the Reed-Warbler; others perhaps the Meadow-Pipit – the trick is to lay an egg in the nest of a bird whose eggs most resemble those of the ingrate.

Apparently, the female cuckoo will sneakily keep watch on the nest of its target host so that it can accurately time the laying of its egg to coincide with those of its obliging host's own. It can select up to twenty-five separate nests in which to secrete its (cleverly disguised) eggs – thus ensuring the chances of success. I learned tonight that this behaviour is unique amidst the bird kingdom, and this leads me to question – why? There must be millions of species of birds in the natural world, so why is it that this one particular bird is the only one in the entire bird fraternity that can't be arsed to raise its own young? I'd like to report this bird to the government – how the hell are we meant to promote diligence and responsibility when there's a bird out there that gleefully abandons it all, and actively abdicates its duties to another authority? Talk about the Nanny State - Little Britain's Vicki Pollard had nothing on this bird.

Anyway, I must stop this kind of thing on a Friday evening. I'm sure there could have been much more exciting and exotic things I could have done – there was a Blues Night at the Broadway that I could have attended. I suppose the trouble with that, is that I would probably have encountered quite a few "cuckoos in the nest" of my own. And the trouble with that, is that these cuckoos won't even become the harbingers of spring. And remember, Spring is just around the corner.