Oh Goody!

Now this is interesting – I've heard this before but I never learned what happened to the concept – but apparently they have discovered a new treatment for blood poisoning that could prove to be an instant hangover cure. For yes, a bloodstream 'cleaner' which could save thousands of lives a year by quickly disabling poisons has been invented by British scientists.

Apparently, a special molecule (called Bridion) binds itself to unwanted substances in the blood, rendering those substances ineffective within three minutes. Bridion then removes the poison from the body (by process of natural wastage, er...) Sounds good, eh? Of course, there is a serious medical benefit to this discovery – the molecule will make it possible to remove all types of poisoning: Paracetamol overdoses; anaesthetics; snake-bites; poisons & toxins etc., but possible future uses of the mechanism could include the quick removal of alcohol from the bloodstream. Well, this sounds more like it. This means that we can sit all night in the pub, necking whisky after beer after wine after whisky, and in the morning – when we are say, due in court on Jury Service, we take the new drug and hey presto, we're immediately sober! Just think – we could even go to a boozy dinner party, drink ourselves stupid, and (after a quick dose of this molecule) could then drive ourselves home! I wouldn't buy any shares in taxi companies after this, that's for sure.

I never get hangovers (I don't drink enough) but for those poor souls who do – and for those who crash hopelessly drunk into bed without removing either clothes or make-up – this discovery sounds like an absolute boon. You get up in the morning - head like a whirlitzer, stomach like a bag of pig-swill, mouth like an oven-baked donkey's arse – and within the time it takes to boil a kettle, you're refreshed and as pure as a mountain stream. Quick – bring it to market!

When I said some time ago that one of my favourite quotes from W C Fields is: "Always carry a small flagon of whisky in case of snake bite – furthermore, always carry a small snake", I can now change that to: "Carry whisky and a small snake if you wish, but always carry a phial of Bridion."