It Won't Always Be Dark Before Six

I woke up this morning feeling really grateful for the things I have in life. At the moment, I am jobless and penniless but these issues are mere trifles – there is so much more that I do have, and I shouldn't forget that. The problem with most of us, I think, is that we fail to recognize the things that we can be thankful for, and tend only to focus on the things that we want (but don't have). For example, I'd like to have a crate of champagne - but I don't have one – so I should really focus on the two bottles I already have in the fridge, and be grateful for those at least. Similarly, I would like someone special in my life with whom I might share that champagne – but I must be grateful for the fact that not having that special person in my life, means all the more champagne for me. You see? There is always something good in even the blackest of all situations.

On a separate topic, I am intrigued to learn that a new, smaller Mosquito Device has been developed. You will recall that this instrument was introduced a few years ago and is used to discourage anti-social behaviour by emitting an irritating vibration that only people under twenty-five can hear (it is marketed as a "teen deterrent"). Because of its cost, it has mainly been used only by large organizations such as councils, big stores and shopping centres. But now there is to be a new, cheaper version that most people will be able install outside (or inside) their homes. This is rather strange – its usage could easily be abused. For example, a desperate mum can't get her three young children to go to bed: She switches on the mini Mosquito Device and hey presto, pesky kids immediately leave the room. Or picture this: Old George can't get to the bar in his local pub because of a crowd of under twenty-fives all clamouring for their hideous alcopops: George switches on his hand-held Mosquito Device, and guess what? George is the next to be served!

I know where I'd use it, if I had one. I'd switch it on whenever my front door was being approached by those incredibly smart and sweet-faced (but always under twenty-five) young men who come knocking, just so that they can tell me that I can be saved by giving myself over to the truth of the Lord's Good Book. Imagine the scene: I open the door to be greeted by two sets of pearly-white teeth. "Excuse me sir, but have you ever thought about turning away from sin?" Calmly, I flick the switch - and before you can say: "The body is not for fornication", the backs of their pretty blonde heads would be seen beating a hasty retreat down the garden path.

Hurrah! I must get one immediately.